Clarity

I sit here tonight with such clarity as to what I want to communicate. I have been doing the One Year Bible Study online. I often struggle with what I want to read for a given day or week and decided that this would be a good tool. I have heard good things about the book. As some of you know I am on the computer most of the day for work, so the online version just seemed the better fit.

You know those times when you feel a little down, or a bit discouraged and you pick up the word and you feel like you just got your butt kicked all over again??....I just had one of those moments. I know that these feelings are not what the Lord has intended, I know that through these feelings I receive strength and clarity through His support...but good gracious, sometimes is still "smarts" as my grandmother would say. So what did I read? Isaiah 29. Now, I know that the first part of the book of Isaiah is about judgment, but it does show amazing sides of God's grace towards man in the later chapters. Below are the verses for today from my study:

Isaiah 29: 13-16 from The Message

13-14The Master said:

"These people make a big show of saying the right thing,
but their hearts aren't in it.
Because they act like they're worshiping me
but don't mean it,
I'm going to step in and shock them awake,
astonish them, stand them on their ears.
The wise ones who had it all figured out
will be exposed as fools.
The smart people who thought they knew everything
will turn out to know nothing."

15-16Doom to you! You pretend to have the inside track.
You shut God out and work behind the scenes,
Plotting the future as if you knew everything,
acting mysterious, never showing your hand.
You have everything backward!
You treat the potter as a lump of clay.
Does a book say to its author,
"He didn't write a word of me"?
Does a meal say to the woman who cooked it,
"She had nothing to do with this"?


Holy Crap right?! Haha, maybe it doesn’t read as strongly for you as it does for me. However, recently we have been going through a very trying, uncertain season in our lives here in our home. We are having to rely solely on the Lord for things that we otherwise have had "control" of. I have been walking around spouting all of the right words. "The Lord will provide." "This is just a season." "I trust." All the while, I am desperately playing some sort of tug-a-war with the Lord over my life. Things such as job security. I've always been blessed with a great job that provides. I have never had to "pray" for the right job, it was always just waiting for me. Now, as I am job hunting in the worst market of my generation, I find myself having to "trust" that the right one is around the corner. Don’t get me wrong, I do believe He has the right job out there for me, but I also believe that the Lord wants me to hit the pavement and find it. However, if I truly trust him, why does the worry keep me up at night? When I read this verse, I realized that when it comes to MY life I say all the right things to make people think all is well. I say all the things that are expected of me.....but do I believe them? Of course I do. However, to be honest it is a whole lot easier for my heart to believe them than my brain. I know in my heart His promise, but why do I still want to have control? Am I the only one who struggles with this? I cry out one night "Lord, show me what you have for me." The very next morning I will pray "Lord, I really want _____." I can’t think of any witty way close out this post :) I know I am not the only one who has these struggles, that is what is comforting. I have found the only thing that can help is to "turn off" my life. I have to turn off the TV, take out my iPod buds, shut down my laptop and be still. As I read on in Isaiah much of my stress disappears as I am comforted, once again by Him:

Isaiah 40:31
But those who wait on the LORD shall renew their strength; They shall mount up with wings like eagles, They shall run and not be weary, They shall walk and not faint.

The White Crayon

When I had my son I knew there would be several things about being a mother that would stump me. How to get them to sleep through the night? What will our punishment system be? When is the right time to potty train? These are just examples of things that I knew were coming. The surprising part is how many little things that I never imagined would arise! Things I seriously I cant find an answer to. Enter....the white crayon. How exactly do you explain to a 2 year old why he cant see the white crayon on the white paper when he colors with it? He continues to bring it to me and continues to ask "Mama Please?" or "Choo-choo?" Yes, I have found my undiscovered talent...drawing choo-choos for my son on pretty much any piece of paper, mail envelop or Papa Johns flyer! After many failed attempts I have found the only answer that he will accept - "It's broken." Go ahead, judge me :) If you have a better answer that he will accept I am open to suggestions. I started to think about the simplicity of the real answer, yet struggle with the communication to get there. I am amazed at how many times this happens in our lives. Why is it that we have such a hard time communicating? I know that there are situations that dont warrant anything but a hug or a "I'm here for you." But what about the tough ones?

I am blessed to have an amazing husband that I communicate better with than any other person in my life. We have a great system, as long as I dont yell he will listen....or pretend to! All kidding aside, how is it that I can communicate so well with someone I have only known for 10 years, but cant seem to tell my sister that she has seriously ticked me off? Why is it hard for me to point out to a friend something that would no doubt make her life easier?

I used to think the answer to the dilemma was simply that I didnt want to hurt someones feelings. I've decided that it is BS! I spend many an hour with students or church members that are going through issues or want advice and I have no problem laying it out for them. The ironic part about this is that my family or best friends know me and understand me, thus hopefully forgiving any offense. However, when you take the church member I have only know for a short period of time, I risk the chance of offending her forever. Does this seem backwards to anyone else?

I was recently listening to a sermon from a pastor back in South Carolina. He was preaching about extreme faith. His message really rocked my world. He pointed out that in many areas of our lives we have decided which level of faith we assign to each situation. It got me thinking. Yes, I believe that when asked for advice from someone, the Lord has or will give me the correct words to help this particular person. That is extreme faith. However, when I see a friend or loved one doing something I feel that I can speak into, I shy away and think something along the lines of "when the time is right." Although, I do agree that timing is everything, who is to say that the time of the action or feeling isnt the exact time I should reach out?...Where is my extreme faith here? It is insecurity because I dont feel that I am qualified? Am I too concerned with making them mad? Here is a big one.....Am I afraid of what they may point out in return? (enter what I call the "eek" face!)This stuff works both ways! Unfortunately, it's like a gift...better to give than receive!

Anyone who has had any type of relationship knows how important communication is. To me, its the number one priority. What I have to remind myself is no matter how hard the situation is we cannot shy away from it. If I am upset with someone, I may forgive later. However, if I never address the previous issue it will continue to happen over and over. Keep in mind, that when communicating with someone about an offense...most likely they have NO idea. For example, 2 weeks ago my husband told the whole church I was going on a diet. Yep, me front row, size 10...mortified! Now, not only do I have myself to worry about tracking my progress, I also have an entire church to "help" me reach my goal. If you think church women have a lot of opinions on breast feeding, tell them you are dieting. You will NEVER get out of the sanctuary! After church I had to explain to my husband that although he was showing that he supports me and is proud of me, he also kinda ticked me off! He seriously had no idea!

Lord, help us to be better communicators. Please help us to know when and how to help our loved ones. Help us with the words to approach someone who has hurt us, or offended us in some way, that we may effectively talk things through. That we come to a solution through mutual love, understanding and respect. Help us to be better communicators so that we can be better images of you!

P.S.....I have removed all white crayons from the box!

It only took 2.....

I tried this blog as an experiment to release what I felt like the Lord had put on my heart to share and create. I'm not exactly sure what happened..I started to think "who would want to hear from me?" "Will what I have to say be significant enough?" "Will my bad spelling and grammar errors make me look dumb?" My husbands response was "Great, but it will be hard to keep track." Ugghh!! I cant believe I fell into this trap! This is exactly what I wanted to help prevent in all of you out there! So here I am. Again!

I logged on today and saw the two comments to my previous post. I thought I had my alerts set to let me know when someone posts something - wrong! Looks like I have some tech things to learn about this new adventure :) I have to say, today I was feeling really down. I found out the company I work for is closing next week. My husband doesn't make enough alone to support the household so this is a pretty devastating blow to us. Don't get me wrong, I know the Lord will provide. However, Ive never been good at trusting His timing above my own. I was sitting here praying and asking what should I do? Where should I submit my resume? Do I want to stay in the same field? When was the last time I did something that I felt was "me" professionally? Then I remembered my short lived afternoon when I was going to start a blog. I logged on and I saw the two of you below my first post. Two women reaching out, trusting that something as simple as a crazy woman's blog can add something to your lives. Suddenly my inspiration is back. If you guys will hang on, we can build something here, together that will help us be stronger, united, still a little goofy women of God.

To Anonymous #1 - Thank you! Thank you! Simply posting a reply of encouragement is what I needed. I hope you find your way back, I am sorry to hear that you are going through some tough stuff. I hope that the past few months have made it easier. Trust that you are not alone, there are circumstances in our lives that make it seem like we are. I hope you feel encouraged to know that nothing is bigger than God, and he can help us through anything. However, sometimes it would be great if he would just send us a email with the directions :)...I will be praying for you.

To Anonymous #2 - I am so sorry for your situation. I cant even begin to know how you feel. There are no words, or fancy one sentence encouragement tag line that I can give you...it simply sucks. I hope you know that I will be praying for you . Please keep me posted.

There it is...2 simple, hear felt comments. Its all it took to show that maybe, just maybe I can create a platform for women to help each other. I have a lot of ideas ladies....where this takes us no one knows! Hahaha, Lord help me!


What better verse than Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.


......or should we say "woman"

This is me

OK, so I didn't just wake up a pastor's wife like some kind of Vegas story gone wrong. However, as a young woman I never thought that I would be a pastor's wife. I did not grow up in a long line of family members in ministry, nor did I frequent a church as a child. I do, however, have a God that had a plan for my life filled with things that I could never imagine possible! The first of His many, never ending surprises is that I am married to an amazing man who happens to be in ministry. Why blog about it? Well, women need women. We need a place where we can go and vent, laugh and entertain each other. Unfortunately, in my experience there are times that as a pastors wife, simply being ourselves can clear a room! What I mean by that is that people seem to have us on a pedestal and feel that 1- we don't make mistakes and 2 - that we will judge you for yours. News flash ladies - - we are not perfect, far from it and we need you as much as you need us! Almost daily I put my foot in my mouth, stifle a curse when I stub my toe, have the wrong color bra under my shirt or have the only kid in the room that is misbehaving. My hope with this blog is to encourage other women that we are amazing! God loves us in spite of all of our issues and will love us always. I will share my days with you and I hope you share yours with me! Happy blogging!

What I learned today:
As I woke up this morning a little behind to get my son off to daycare and my husband out the door so that I could get to work early, I got a text from one of my employee's daughters saying "My mom is sick, text me if you really think you need her today." Oh man, I'm late, my son is covered in oatmeal that both dogs are licking off, half of my hair is straightened and my husband cant find the check book. I want to say "of course I need her and why are YOU texting me? Check book? Why the check book right now? Son - seriously you cant spit every bite of food out of your mouth and try to re-feed yourself, dogs - get outside!" Instead, I let the dogs continue to lick my sons extremities, text back "no worries, I hope she feels better!", dig the checkbook out of my purse and somehow manage to get somewhat presentable before I leave the house......just to be late because of rush hour traffic!!

I learned that this will happen daily and all I can do is praise God that I have an amazing family, a job, a wonderful woman to watch my son and a car to get to work. I AM BLESSED!!

Philippians 4

^8-9Summing it all up, friends, I'd say you'll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.


Love,

The wife